Lay Off- Part Deux

P’s been ‘laid off’. I put it in quotes because he was laid off after submitting another workmans comp claim for his other knee. We have a lawyer, he’s working on it, but you know what?

It still really fucking sucks.

The logical question you might have, as I did… what the hell are we going to live on?
Fair enough. We do have savings. Thankfully. We did not spend any of my severence and have just been adding to the coffers. However, this will only last us about 3 months if we do nothing. As in, we both need to hit the pavement and find work.

Which, let me just tell you, I feel like an idiot. This whole time I’ve been “picky” in regards to where I sent my resume. I did NOT want to saddle myself with a long commute, I did NOT want to work for peanuts. I knew P’s job was shaky at best (it’s a long involved story but let’s just say… bossman? Not so great). I knew that at some point, it was looking more and more like P’s place of employment might actually close up shop. Did that have me looking harder? NO. The logic was that I had to get a job that would at least have covered day care. Which, even if we found a less expensive place was going to be difficult.

In short: I’m freaking out. I’m glad that it’s Thanksgiving week as I am with my family right now while P is home alone dealing with LawyerGuy and dr’s appointments. I’m that much of a bad wife. I’m not even there for him. In my defense, I had no idea he would get laid off last Friday which is when me and the girls came back to Hometown, NY.

I don’t know. I’m a mixed bag of emotions. I’m happy he’s happier (seriously, he is, his voice is the happiest I’ve heard in a long time). I will probably get an offer letter from Job South next week. We’ve been offered very inexpensive houseing here in Hometown if need be. I’m happy that we have such great family to help us.

But.

I have these strong feelings of failure. Of feeling like I did something to deserve this. Like me and P just can’t seem to get our stuff together enough to actually SUCCEED at our careers.

But that too is bullshit. Because it wasn’t because of my performance that I lost my job. Nor was it because of P’s. It’s just shitty luck. I mean P hated that job almost from day one. If I had to be honest I would say I’m a little pissed that he didn’t look elsewhere earlier… like 2006. So, who knows. I could do the “what if’s” until doomsday and doesn’t change my situation.

I’m just tired. Tired of dealing with this bullshit. Tired of keeping a stiff upper lip and marching on. Tired of dealing with P’s employer bullshit. Tired of listening to him tell me how much pain he is in, because he shouldn’t be in ANY pain.. AT all. He should be running the turkey trot with me on Thursday! I’m pissed! I’m angry that we are in this situation during a time in my life that I thought would be GOOD.

If this is disjointed I apologize. No editing here, I just had to get it out.

Advertisements

3 responses to this post.

  1. I’m so sorry! You are dealing with so much. I know things will turn around for you both–this is just a rough patch. Hugs!

    Reply

  2. I’m sorry that you guys are going through all of this. I know it will work out… but in the meantime I know it’s terribly difficult to have faith that it will. Hang in there!

    Reply

  3. I know you’ve had a job offer already but I just wanted to say that I completely understand how hard this is. My husband and I have had major job issues the last 5-7 years including 3 job changes for him and 3 job changes for me. Not easy and we’re still not making as much money as we were 5 years ago but now with two children. We keep going and making in through everyday and I know you will be able to also. Just wanted you to know that you’re not alone.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: