Pre-baby weekends

This past weekend was very uneventful. Very “do nothing”. Which if it only happened once in a while would be ok, but this seems to be a pattern that is forming with J and I. I should just relish in these times, these lazy times before Little Girl arrives. However, I just get bored and cranky. In case you haven’t guessed it is J that holds us up. Here’s the thing, J loves breakfast. The man could open a restaurant that only served breakfast food all day and he would not fun out of “recipes”. So, Saturday and Sunday are not only days to sleep in but to wake up and make a “man breakfast”. I’m talking sausage, bacon, eggs, homemade hash browns, tomatoes, garlic, sometimes salsa, cheddar cheese, American cheese, etc. I’m not saying he uses these things all at once but you get my drift. Our kitchen turns into a breakfast tornado. Once finished with the prep and cooking he sits down to eat his man meal, sipping coffee, while watching whatever home improvement show is on. This all takes place within a 2 hour time frame, which would be fine if he got up at 7am (like me). Nope. He’s up at around 9:30 or 10am most weekend mornings. By the time he’s done cooking, eating, and sipping it’s about noon. Then he has to go to the “office” (aka. the bathroom) and park himself in there for a half a freaking hour. When all is said and done the earliest I can expect him to get himself showered and ready to go, is around 2pm. I’m not going to make him get up earlier, and I’m not going to make him stop preparing such lavish breakfasts, he works hard all week- he deserves this time. I just wish he could do it earlier. He knows it bothers me, but because I don’t push the issue, it’s going to stay. When Little Girl comes along, perhaps she and I will do our weekend outing together. Then when we come back J will be done being lazy weekend man.

Other things are happening though. J’s dad is going through some hard times. I won’t get into it here because it’s really not my place to hash it out. However, after J talks to him he’s always a little down. It’s really hard for me to not sound judgmental and mean when J and I talk about his dad’s situation. So, I’ve decided to just keep my mouth shut. What I say or feel about the matter isn’t going to matter or change things. I just know that it bothers the crap out of me sometimes and especially when J hangs up with his dad and his mood is so glum. As J’s wife all I can really do is be there for him and listen and support J’s feeling and decisions. As my own person though, all I want to do is read J’s dad the riot act and tell him to wake up. It’s really difficult to be a “good wife and listener” during times like these.

One more thing that I’ve been thinking about and always have been I suppose ever since we started ttc; and now that I’m pregnant it has become more in the forefront of my mind: post*partum depre*ssion. It scares me. I mean it really scares the shit out of me. My mom has been battling with depression for most of her adult life, my oldest sister has dealt with depression, my other sister had some anxiety issues after giving birth to my nephew. The short answer is, I feel like it’s almost inevitable for me. I’m worried I won’t recognize it, or worse yet think I have it when I don’t. I’m going to talk to my dr about it for sure at the next appointment. I don’t worry about it all the time. However, I do think about it right before I go to bed, or when I have brief moment to myself. I wonder how I will know, I need to do some reading on this I’m sure. Here’s the thing though, and this is where it gets a little worrisome. J is very, very, anti-antidepressant. If I tried to explain his reasons why it would take me all day. Needless to say, he’s never really had to understand why someone would have to go on an AD. So, I’m nervous that if I do come down with ppd that I will also end up getting into a rip roaring argument with him over this. I need to talk to him about the possibility of me going on AD’s for ppd at least. However, I want to be armed with some info from my dr before I do this. In the end I’m sure he will see it’s what’s best for me and our family but it’s not a conversation I’m looking forward too.

Well that’s heavy stuff for a Monday morning!

Here’s something a little lighter. I’m almost done with my book club book for this month. It’s Dirty Job by Christopher Moore. It’s a very quirky and funny novel about a man who kind of “falls into” being what he terms a “Death Merchant”. Basically when someone dies, according to the book, their soul leaves their body and goes into a soul vessel. It is up to the death merchant to retrieve the soul vessel. From there the death merchant, who usually owns some sort of shop, will sell the soul vessel to somebody. It takes a very interesting look at death and life after death. It sounds dark and depressing but it really isn’t and I’ve found myself laughing out loud or smiling on the train as I read it. I only have 30 pages to go and all I want to do is finish this book to see how it ends but at the same time, I don’t want it to end. I highly recommend it to anybody that likes Koontz, King, or even Dave Barry.

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