Some days it’s easier for me. It’s easier for me to accept that I’m not pregnant, that I don’t have children. Today it’s a bit easier. I think it’s because I have the hsg today. It makes me feel empowered an excited, “HEY, I’m doing something!”. I also think that my brain functions differently when I’m aware I don’t have to be in the office all day. All I can think is, Freedom!

I was thinking this morning about how all I want to do is “move on”. I want to move on from treatments, move on from pregnancy thoughts, move on from “wanting” children to having children. I want to be done with this train of thought and move on to the rest of my life. I’m finding that very difficult. I’m finding that anything non-fertility related bores me. I have distractions but nothing fun and new to look forward too.

There are so many things that I should be doing and should be concerned with that I’m having a really hard time getting into. I should know what’s going on in the world, related to the war and the Middle East. I think that if I did get into all that, it would just depress me more. All those people are just at the mercy of their rulers, like us, sort of. What can I do, how can I make it better? How is knowing what is going on going to help anybody?

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